Full version with updates is at: www.middleground.me.uk
Project Middle Ground was started in America by Dr Paul Simpson a therapist who wrote Second Thoughts: Understanding the false memory crisis and how it could affect you.
Perhaps Dr Simpson's approach of working with families involved in the controversy is not directly applicable in the UK, but that does not mean there may not be an approach that suits our culture better. See SOME BOOKS listed below in this posting.
Various academics at UK universities have written papers about bridging what might seem an impossible divide. Sadly people tend to fight a particular corner, but Dr Simpson showed that it is possible to try for a middle ground, with some considerable effect. Type into Google for the UK:
middle ground false memories
Several books shedding light on how some misunderstandings could have arisen have been written in America since 1995. It seems a pity to let all of that, plus what has been achieved in the UK, remain unattended for the most part.
Mediation - More Harm Than Good?
It would be good to think that a responsible mediator, counsellor or impartial observer working with parties involved in a dispute or misunderstanding would be helpful in a reasonable proportion of situations.
As one might expect, experts tend to polarise - even in the field of mediation.
When problems relate to personal feelings and family situations, it is not going to be easy. Through watching Neighbours from Hell or being unfortunate yourself, you'll know that neighbours are not always terribly neighbourly - in fact terrible is an apt description.
Regarding allegations of abuse within the family, scroll down to the section on Counselling or Quackery (William Burgoyne) with reconciliation approaches to try from Mark Pendergrast's book Victims of Memory. A search on Google or Amazon will show a range of publications and views on mediation in general, or on specific aspects or approaches.
Narrative mediation sounds as though it could help here. People may also have to learn to accept a big difference in opinion over what actually happened, and to leave some issues in moratorium or a no-man's-land without resolution for the foreseeable future.
SOME BOOKS
Before Forgiving: Cautionary Views of Forgiveness in Psychotherapy ed. by Sharon Lamb, Jeffrie G. Murphy
Family Therapy in Britain ed. by Eddy Street, Windy Dryden
Forgiveness and the Healing Process: A Central Therapeutic Concern ed. by Cynthia Ransley, Terri Spy
Secrets in the Family by Lily Pincus, Christopher Dare
The Secret Life of Families by Evan Imber-Black
The Trouble with Blame: Victims, Perpetrators and Responsibility by Sharon Lamb
You Can Go Home Again by Monica McGoldrick
I Thought We'd Never Speak Again: The Road from Estrangement to Reconciliation by Laura Davis 'maps the reconciliation process through first-person stories of people who have mended relationships in a wide variety of circumstances. In these pages, parents reconcile with children, embittered siblings reconnect, angry friends reunite, and war veterans and crime victims meet with their enemies... Davis explains how people can make peace in relationships without necessarily forgiving past hurts.'
Note: Laura Davis co-authored The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse. Although it has been helpful to survivors of abuse, it has recently been the subject of controversy. We feel the views and research in I Thought We'd Never Speak Again are worth considering.
YouTube Videos plus others at http://www.youtube.com/user/middlegroundable
Playlist - Mediation, Conflict, Trauma www.youtube.com/user/middlegroundable#grid/user/52C862BEAA7C979F
BOOKS
Several books shedding light on how some misunderstandings could have arisen have been written in America since 1995. It seems a pity to let all of that, plus what has been achieved in the UK, remain unattended for the most part.
Inclusion of any books and weblinks is not meant to imply acceptance of any or all of their content, but to allow for further discussion. If you can't watch videos, most of the relevant information can be found via the Links.
Mostly available from Amazon UK or Amazon USA
Before Forgiving: Cautionary Views of Forgiveness in Psychotherapy ed. by Sharon Lamb, Jeffrie G. Murphy
Family Therapy in Britain ed. by Eddy Street, Windy Dryden
Forgiveness and the Healing Process: A Central Therapeutic Concern ed. by Cynthia Ransley, Terri Spy
Secrets in the Family by Lily Pincus, Christopher Dare
The Secret Life of Families by Evan Imber-Black
The Trouble with Blame: Victims, Perpetrators and Responsibility by Sharon Lamb
You Can Go Home Again by Monica McGoldrick
I Thought We'd Never Speak Again: The Road from Estrangement to Reconciliation by Laura Davis 'maps the reconciliation process through first-person stories of people who have mended relationships in a wide variety of circumstances. In these pages, parents reconcile with children, embittered siblings reconnect, angry friends reunite, and war veterans and crime victims meet with their enemies... Davis explains how people can make peace in relationships without necessarily forgiving past hurts.'
Note: Laura Davis co-authored The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse. Although it has been helpful to survivors of abuse, it has recently been the subject of controversy. We feel the views and research in I Thought We'd Never Speak Again are worth considering.
Before Forgiving: Cautionary Views of Forgiveness in Psychotherapy ed. by Sharon Lamb, Jeffrie G. Murphy
Family Therapy in Britain ed. by Eddy Street, Windy Dryden
Forgiveness and the Healing Process: A Central Therapeutic Concern ed. by Cynthia Ransley, Terri Spy
Secrets in the Family by Lily Pincus, Christopher Dare
The Secret Life of Families by Evan Imber-Black
The Trouble with Blame: Victims, Perpetrators and Responsibility by Sharon Lamb
You Can Go Home Again by Monica McGoldrick
I Thought We'd Never Speak Again: The Road from Estrangement to Reconciliation by Laura Davis 'maps the reconciliation process through first-person stories of people who have mended relationships in a wide variety of circumstances. In these pages, parents reconcile with children, embittered siblings reconnect, angry friends reunite, and war veterans and crime victims meet with their enemies... Davis explains how people can make peace in relationships without necessarily forgiving past hurts.'
Note: Laura Davis co-authored The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse. Although it has been helpful to survivors of abuse, it has recently been the subject of controversy. We feel the views and research in I Thought We'd Never Speak Again are worth considering.
Abuse in Therapy or Helping Relationships
Click this link to watch a video on Double Standards in general and how the principles involved may be affecting the sort of help that is on offer http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7CwxB6qxtU
More videos are on YouTube theCojent channel
HOW ABUSE can be REMEMBERED or RECOVERED
Further References
Any information and links appearing here are included simply in the hope they may be useful to some readers. Not everyone has the same experiences or needs, or is likely to believe in the same things. The purpose of this Site and items mentioned is that people can take what is useful for themselves and their situation, and try to move on from there, with or without engaging in therapy or following a particular approach.
This list appears on the site of Michael C Irving The Child Abuse Survivor Monument (some of these offer alternative or conflicting views on these difficult issues. Follow what makes sense for you or your situation, or maybe that of someone close to you.) http://www.irvingstudios.com/child_abuse_survivor_monument/Remembering.htm
Bayin, Anne. “Falsely Accused: False Memory Syndrome is Wrecking Families and Destroying the Credibility of Genuine Sexual-Abuse Victims.” Homemaker’s Magazine, September 1993, vol. 28 no. 6, p. 44-6, 48+.
Bower, Bruce. Sex abuse: Direct Approach May Aid Recall.” Science News (US), October 19, 1991, vol. 140 no. 16, p. 245.
“Sudden Recall: Adult Memories of Child Abuse Spark a Heated Debate pt.1.” Science News (US), September 18, 1993, vol. 144 no. 12, p. cover, 184-6.
Brown, Laura. Subversive Dialogues. New York, N.Y.: Basic Books, 1994.
Eigenkind, Heidi. “Bearing Witness: A Questioning of the Politics of Memory”. Canadian Woman Studies, Fall 1991, vol. 12 no. 1, p. 21-4.
Fraser, Sylvia. “Abuse Wars: Whose Memory Matters? Betrayal Trauma: The Logic Of Forgetting Childhood Abuse.” Globe and Mail, January 25, 1997 pD14 (English).
Herman, Judith Lewis. Trauma and Recovery. New York, N.Y.: Basic Books, 1992. xi 276
Kandel, Minouche and Eric R. Kandel. “Flights of Memory: Can Memories of Long-Ago Abuses Be Lost? Once Lost, Can They Be Found Again?” Discover, May 1994, vol. 15, no. 5, p. 32, 34-8.
Martin, Sandra. “You Must Remember This: -- War Raging Around Recovered Memories.” Chatelaine (Eng), September 1997, vol. 70 no. 9 p.40-1, 43+ (English).
Moore, Tom. Angels Crying: A True Story of Secrecy and Tragedy. Nimbus Publishing Ltd. 1995.
Penfold, P. Susan. “Repressed Memory Controversy: Is There Middle Ground? Canadian Medical Association Journal, September 15 1996, vol. 155 no. 6, p. 647-53.
Terr, Lenore. Unchained Memories: True Stories of Traumatic Memories, Lost and Found. New York, N.Y.: Basic Books, 1994.
Woodward, Kenneth L. “Was It Real Or Memories? The Collapse of Charges Against A Cardinal Raises Questions About ‘Assisted’ Claims of Sexual Abuse.” Newsweek, March 14, 1994, vol. 123 no. 11, p. 54-5
Any information and links appearing here are included simply in the hope they may be useful to some readers. Not everyone has the same experiences or needs, or is likely to believe in the same things. The purpose of this Site and items mentioned is that people can take what is useful for themselves and their situation, and try to move on from there, with or without engaging in therapy or following a particular approach.
This list appears on the site of Michael C Irving The Child Abuse Survivor Monument (some of these offer alternative or conflicting views on these difficult issues. Follow what makes sense for you or your situation, or maybe that of someone close to you.) http://www.irvingstudios.com/child_abuse_survivor_monument/Remembering.htm
Bayin, Anne. “Falsely Accused: False Memory Syndrome is Wrecking Families and Destroying the Credibility of Genuine Sexual-Abuse Victims.” Homemaker’s Magazine, September 1993, vol. 28 no. 6, p. 44-6, 48+.
Bower, Bruce. Sex abuse: Direct Approach May Aid Recall.” Science News (US), October 19, 1991, vol. 140 no. 16, p. 245.
“Sudden Recall: Adult Memories of Child Abuse Spark a Heated Debate pt.1.” Science News (US), September 18, 1993, vol. 144 no. 12, p. cover, 184-6.
Brown, Laura. Subversive Dialogues. New York, N.Y.: Basic Books, 1994.
Eigenkind, Heidi. “Bearing Witness: A Questioning of the Politics of Memory”. Canadian Woman Studies, Fall 1991, vol. 12 no. 1, p. 21-4.
Fraser, Sylvia. “Abuse Wars: Whose Memory Matters? Betrayal Trauma: The Logic Of Forgetting Childhood Abuse.” Globe and Mail, January 25, 1997 pD14 (English).
Herman, Judith Lewis. Trauma and Recovery. New York, N.Y.: Basic Books, 1992. xi 276
Kandel, Minouche and Eric R. Kandel. “Flights of Memory: Can Memories of Long-Ago Abuses Be Lost? Once Lost, Can They Be Found Again?” Discover, May 1994, vol. 15, no. 5, p. 32, 34-8.
Martin, Sandra. “You Must Remember This: -- War Raging Around Recovered Memories.” Chatelaine (Eng), September 1997, vol. 70 no. 9 p.40-1, 43+ (English).
Moore, Tom. Angels Crying: A True Story of Secrecy and Tragedy. Nimbus Publishing Ltd. 1995.
Penfold, P. Susan. “Repressed Memory Controversy: Is There Middle Ground? Canadian Medical Association Journal, September 15 1996, vol. 155 no. 6, p. 647-53.
Terr, Lenore. Unchained Memories: True Stories of Traumatic Memories, Lost and Found. New York, N.Y.: Basic Books, 1994.
Woodward, Kenneth L. “Was It Real Or Memories? The Collapse of Charges Against A Cardinal Raises Questions About ‘Assisted’ Claims of Sexual Abuse.” Newsweek, March 14, 1994, vol. 123 no. 11, p. 54-5
GETTING HELP for Your Circumstances
There will be controversies too over what are likely to be effective methods of helping people, and what is potentially damaging for some of us. Read up on what you can, make up your own mind, and be prepared to change it - if that seems best for you. YOU are the only person who can decide.
Dorothy Rowe has written a variety of books on subjects to do with human emotions and relationships and getting help. Many are available in book stores, and new or secondhand from www.amazon.co.uk
New Attacks on Psychotherapy article by Phil Mollon at www.philmollon.co.uk/NEWattacksonpsychotherapy.html
Guidelines for Seeking Help and Self-Help are at www.tansal.org.uk/guidelinesforhelp.html
Playlists on 'theCojent' Youtube channel, and also on 'Survivorway' - for Survivors of all kinds
Stop Bad Therapy site www.stopbadtherapy.com
Talking Cure - useful information & links relevant for the UK at www.talkingcure.co.uk (site of Dr Douglas McFadzean & associates)
VEX organisation for support, info and links at http://website.lineone.net/~vex/
New Attacks on Psychotherapy article by Phil Mollon at www.philmollon.co.uk/NEWattacksonpsychotherapy.html
Guidelines for Seeking Help and Self-Help are at www.tansal.org.uk/guidelinesforhelp.html
Playlists on 'theCojent' Youtube channel, and also on 'Survivorway' - for Survivors of all kinds
Stop Bad Therapy site www.stopbadtherapy.com
Talking Cure - useful information & links relevant for the UK at www.talkingcure.co.uk (site of Dr Douglas McFadzean & associates)
VEX organisation for support, info and links at http://website.lineone.net/~vex/
ADVICE to PARENTS and CHILDREN (p.119 Counselling or Quackery?)
William Burgoyne quotes pages 631-637 of Mark Pendergrast's book Victims of Memory (available from Amazon) on some considerations when trying to build trust within families affected by allegations of abuse.
Summaries of chapters from Victims of Memory are online http://markpendergrast.com/victims-of-memory-table-of-contents
Click here for A Summary of Myths and Realities on Memory and Therapy
Summaries of chapters from Victims of Memory are online http://markpendergrast.com/victims-of-memory-table-of-contents
Click here for A Summary of Myths and Realities on Memory and Therapy
And www.fmsfonline.org/fmsf96.330.html#mediationFAMILY RECONCILIATION THROUGH MEDIATION Susan P. Robbins, D.S.W. University of Houston, appearing in FMS Foundation Newsletter Vol 5 No. 4, April 1, 1996
Author Meredith Maran has written a book entitled My Lie due for publication on 22 September 2010, available for pre-order online at Amazon UK and W H Smith, see www.meredithmaran.com/MyLie.htm Psychology Today excerpt, September/October 2O1O: My Lie www.meredithmaran.com/media/psychtoday.pdf
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